By Kenesha Collis
Hello World! I know the writers out there are probably taking this time of social distancing to focus on their books, short stories, poems, prose, etc. Please don’t feel bad if you’re not feeling up to tackling passion projects as we are living in crazy times right now. There are so many that have either been laid off or who have lost their jobs, and dealing with everything the best way possible.
I’ve been heavily into writing mode, and not really paying attention to anything else. I’m over 57,000 words into my debut urban romance novel. I wanted to break up the monotony of my blog, and shake things up a little. There is so much going on in the world right now other than writing. I’ve been so focused on my book that I shut the world off to get it done. It’s funny to be writing about relationships and romance, and I’m not in either. It can be difficult to make friends, let alone date when you’re quarantined. It is also almost impossible to engage with someone when you have to practice social distancing when you do leave your home. Also, there is only so much expression one can make when the majority of your face is covered with a mask.
If you were 100% single before the pandemic, it can be a daunting task to meet people when you’re supposed to stay away from them right now. Most people want companionship during uncertain times, and there is nothing wrong for wanting to meet someone. Dating online is one of the most popular ways of meeting someone while in quarantine. I’ve dated online here and there over the years, and I give it mixed reviews. I’d much rather meet someone organically, but online dating can be a quick and easy way to network especially if you’re not originally from the city you’re living in. Also, I rarely go out. I’m an introvert and a homebody, so I can always find ways to entertain myself. I don’t need the company of people in order to have fun. However, I do enjoy spending time with a member of the opposite sex from time to time, so I will occasionally go out on a date. If you’re single, and trying to navigate through this whole dating thing, here are some things I’d like to share from my journey. Please keep in mind, since I’m a woman, the following is centered around the female perspective.
Look up old friends and engage.
Do you have any old friends, and for whatever reason, you two lost touch? You didn’t end badly, you just stopped talking. Before you begin on a quest to meet brand new people, reach out to old people and reconnect. During times like this, it’s good to connect with people who already have a history with you. Some of your old guy friends may still be single, and excited to hear from you.
Choose your dating platforms carefully.
Certain dating platforms have reputations whether that is a good or a bad thing. I’m not suggesting which dating platform to choose because I’ve seen success stories come out of all of them. If you’re on a site, and you’re not making any real connections, or you’re getting inappropriate messages, go with your gut. The site may not be conducive to what you’re looking for.
Don’t be surprised when he isn’t taking dating seriously.
We are in a pandemic, and technically in crisis mode. The times we are living in can be stressful, so don’t feel bad when you meet a guy and he doesn’t seem serious about getting to know you. He may be trying to start a side hustle to keep him afloat because he’s lost his job. He may be on edge out of fear of being laid off. Things go on in everyone’s lives, and men sometimes aren’t the best communicators. Don’t always expect the worst especially if he seems like a genuine guy. If you send him a message, and it takes a couple of days to get back to you each time, he may need time to get things in order. Guys will give you hints that they’re just needing time.
The other side to that is when a guy is playing around, and steers clear of any opportunities to get to know you. He is normally preoccupied with lots of other women. A guy is not serious when he comes on too strong, doesn’t ask you engaging questions, or makes too many sexual jokes in the first few conversations. We’re in a pandemic, and he knows you two will probably not meet in person for a while. The amount of time and energy he has to invest in you may be too much for him. Also, don’t feel pressured to send pics (pictures) of yourself until you’re comfortable. The purpose of sending pics is to determine if you actually look the way you do online. Men and women want to make sure they’re not being fooled. Once you’ve confirmed you are who you say you are, don’t feel obligated to send pic after pic. He might be testing you to see if you will start sending pics of a certain nature.
Be selective in who you talk to, and how much information you share with people.
There are men who are very straightforward in their dating profiles. They say they’re not looking for relationships of any kind except hookups. Take the hint, and keep on swiping. Read profiles carefully. They will tell you a lot of what you need to know. If a man doesn’t take the time to write anything, he’s not really taking the process seriously, and he may waste your time. Don’t just go for the tall, good looking guys. Consider those that are smart, hardworking, and interesting. They’re normally the better choices. Don’t spill all of the beans to everyone. Tell people what they need to know.
Talking using Zoom or Google Duo
I’m reading in articles and blogs that people are using Zoom when dating online. I use Zoom for meetings, but haven’t used it to engage socially. I’ve used Google Duo, and find it works for me. Google Duo is a video chat feature you can download for free on your Android. I’m not sure if it works using Apple products. You can either choose to video chat or talk using the regular phone. It all boils down to your comfort level.
Meeting in person
Deciding to meet is also based on comfort level. If you hit if off with someone, you may not want to wait until the pandemic is over to meet in person. If you do that, the same safety and social distance guidelines should be followed. My suggestion is to meet during the day in a neutral place. I think parks are beginning to open up, but I still would be extra cautious. If you decide on a park, make sure to stand 6 ft apart, and wear a face covering of some kind. I don’t suggest meeting in parking lots, and getting into each other’s cars to talk. If you decide to wait until it is safer across the board to meet, the person should understand that. If he is sincerely interested in you, he will understand your safety and health are of the utmost importance. Talking virtually or over the phone will allow you to build with the person. You will be able to take things slow, and get to know the person on a deeper level.
Copyright © 2020 by Kenesha Collins