My Journey Dealing with Anxiety

man wearing gray sweater in selective focus photography
Photo by Segopotso Makhutja on

Hello All! I just wanted to take a moment to thank everyone who has liked and/or followed my blog recently. Your support keeps me working at building this blog and creating this dialogue.

I know I’ve been blogging more about personal development (mainly mine) more so than the subjects of blogging and freelance writing. I am in the process of developing a blogging calendar for 2020 that will contain more content about writing and the business of it.

For now, I wanted to talk to you about something I’ve personally struggled with. I’ve always been an anxious person, and it stems from my childhood. I used to get screamed at for the smallest things, and this nervous energy stuck with me. It wasn’t until a few years ago I was diagnosed with anxiety.

Adulting has not eased my anxiety. Now, there are bills, jobs, family, health and wellness, and even retirement to deal with. Everyday I am juggling about 50 balls in the air. A few years ago, I began noticing a physical change when dealing with stress. My palms began shaking, my eyelids twitched, and my heart would race. I was panicky and couldn’t sit still. I couldn’t ignore it any longer.

There are many studies about anxiety, and there are different types. I didn’t know which type I was experiencing. I just knew what I was feeling wasn’t right. It was robbing me of a normal life.

After being diagnosed with anxiety, I didn’t want to accept it at first. Anxiety is a mental illness that can be linked to trauma or can run in families. Society has made great strides when dealing with the stigma placed on mental illness. However, in communities of color, mental illness can still be considered a sign of weakness. As time went on, I couldn’t deny what I was experiencing, and had to face it to gain more control of my life.

I noticed my anxiety would gear up when I was at work and dealing with multiple interruptions or when financial issues occurred. I was very poor at a time in life, so money has always been a very sore subject for me. When faced with an emergency financial situation I wasn’t the most pleasant person to be around.

I decided to seek help because I didn’t want my condition to affect my opportunities for promotion, creativity, or relationships.

When discussing my symptoms with my doctor, she suggested anti-anxiety medication. I am not against medication by any means. It is an effective way in dealing with mental illness, but I opted to take a more holistic route in my treatment. I began taking St. John’s Wort, an herbal mood stimulator. I didn’t want to take too many medications as I had already been diagnosed with fibroids as well as hyperthyroidism. I began taking small amounts of St. John’s Wort, and it began to help. Please be advised if my doctor strongly recommended antidepressants, I would have taken them. I got her permission before taking St. Johns’ Wort. I have a personal experience with antidepressants, and with my doctor’s permission I explored another option. After the birth of my son, I briefly took an antidepressant for postpartum depression. I didn’t like the way it made me feel. I felt disconnected and groggy. While taking St. John’s Wort, I was aware of my situation. I was able to experience human emotion, but my emotions were more in control. My doctor and I made an agreement if the herbal supplements didn’t work, I would began taking antidepressants.

In addition to the herbal supplement, I sought counseling to delve into the possible causes of my anxiety. I also began journaling during that time.

These things have helped, but I still have more work to do within myself. I have no way to research this, but I may struggle with anxiety for the rest of my life. I am also considering meditation. I am in the early stages of research and looking at the best time of the day or night to begin. I am considering beginning in the morning. Right now, when I wake up, I immediately turn on the news from the night before. It doesn’t get my day off to a good start to watch all the chaos going on in the world when I first open my eyes. I’ve also never been a morning person, and I’ve always wanted to change that.

There are different types of mental illness, and every treatment plan is different. I am not a medical or mental health professional. I am only sharing some things that have helped me. If you are suffering with any kind of illness, whether it’s physical or mental, consult with your doctor first. Talk to your doctor honestly about what you are going through.

It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Our lives seem to be busier than ever, and no one is superhuman. Never be afraid to take the steps to live a happier and well-rounded life.

Have a great week!

Kenesha Collins is a freelance writer, editor, and blogger. She has written and edited for Evansville Parent Magazine, Keep Evansville Beautiful, and WordSmooth. Follow her on Twitter:

One Comment Add yours

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